happy birthday to me

as a lovely present to me and zack on our birthday week, thea reverted back to waking up one time during the night. it's been three nights in a row and she wakes up so inconsolable that i've had no choice but to feed her. we can't figure out whether she's going through a growth spurt and really is starving or perhaps it's her teeth or it could something else entirely. [i feel like we've been saying her teeth are coming in for ages now and there's still no sign that they are going to make an appearance anytime soon.]

while it's definitely a pain in the you-know-what to get up in the middle of the night [especially now that i'm so busy with work], it is a nice reminder of how far we've come. it wasn't so long ago that i thought i'd never have a good night sleep again as i stumbled around in the dark trying to feed, burp, change and comfort our little bundle of joy. so i guess i've gotten spoiled.

this morning someone asked me how old i am now and i had to correct myself as i said 32. this is the first birthday that i haven't been acutely aware of my age and attached significance to the number. it's also the first year that i haven't been totally depressed about getting older [although i'm still not quite ready to retire the 'it's my birthday and i'll cry if i want to' t-shirt i usually wear on this day].

thirty-two will go down as one of the best years of my life. yes, it's my don sweeney year and that alone makes it pretty special. more importantly, it's the year that my first child was born and there's not too much that can top that. the sadness i feel in saying goodbye to the big three two has to do with moving further away from those first moments as a new parent. and oh my god, what an eff-ing amazing experience it was and continues to be. if i may be so fortunate to go through it all again, it may be equally as incredible but it will never be this same experience. i've never fully been ok with the concept of looking forward to something for so long and then, all of a sudden, looking at it in the rear view mirror. and so as i close the chapter on one of the most joyful, stressful, life-altering and memorable years of my life, i'm just trying to take it all in, savor each moment and remember every little detail.

bring it on larry bird.



my first birthday, july 25, 1977.